Stumbling

There were times,
when walking,
when running,
I stumble.
And being human, my natural response was to be destructed with my almost fall.
But through His grace
I need to focus,
forget about my shame,
because if I will not,
I might lose this road
- the only way -
and I don't think I can afford to be lost once again,
to find the right track
and to wander once again.

In this journey,
there were times I did stumble.
But once I get up and in steady pace again,
it gets me wonderin',
askin',
why do people stumble and fall?
Is it because people became weak?
But I am not that weak.
Or did I?
But in what part did I became weak,
was it my feet, my legs or knee?

Upon seeking for honesty,
the voice inside me, pointed to me,
saying "That's it! That's it, Lian!"
Then I realized, the real answer was none of the choices.
But all of it, combining those is the answer why I became weak!
It was my body,
the flesh, I depended on!

I forgot.
I loose real focus.
I let my body took over me
when I should be the one who's always watching over my own flesh.

I forgot that I need not to focus on finishing this journey
- some called it race,
some consider it hike -
for it is a non-ending relay of circumstances
that no human will ever know when or where is the finish line
not until they cross in to eternity.

I testify that those times when I stumble
were the times I subconsciously rely on myself,
on my selfishness
and on my pride.
I stumble because I was walking,
I was running alone,
and I chose to do it on my own.

I became over familiar with His presence that I became unaware
that I am letting myself dominate this life,
this life that I already offered to Him.
Every day,
every time,
every single second,
He is available that I forgot to ask of Him.
He did not let Himself be first before me,
He wants us to be along together,
always,
but I did left Him behind.

I wasn't aware,
my heart and my mind were not as one,
my body and my soul were apart,
my faith and my work contradicts,
and that was when evil prey itself just to see and laugh
that I am on the ground,
fallen once,
and loser after all. 

And when I stumble
it was when evil thought that it's plan will win.
I stumble,
really did stumble,
but it was only a stumble.
A no-hassle-at-all journey doesn't exist.
But through Him,
with Him,
passing a hassle is something we must be proud
yet be humble of.

Though I,
my being,
was being divided
 - my faith, my trust, and my hope is still in Him,
always in Him.
I know, I believe that whenever
- and sometimes whenever not -
I call for Him, and cry for help,
He will come,
rescue
and save me.
Because no matter how many times I disappoint Him,
He will still be faithful.
And though sometimes my faith can be considered imperfect,
His faith will always be pure and holy.
And in those times,
those countless times,
He need not to prove that His love is enough,
because it is.
And that's when the evil loses it's smirk that haven't even started yet.

Categories: shewrites